I can’t tell you how good it feels to finally be at the end of the application process. I officially started back in June and commencement finally happened in January … Jan-u-ary! From completing my TEFL (Teaching English as a Foreign Language) certification course, to getting my FBI Background back (UGH this took 3 months people!) to hiring recruiters, I can now sit back and let the Skype interviews begin- and may the odds be ever in my favor! *cue hunger games whistle song*. To be honest, it’s all surreal and this feels like a dream, and, well because it’s my wildest dream come true! Ever since I was a little kid I dreamed of meandering through a country of which I knew nothing about. I fantasized about having the coolest and fanciest foreign friends, who would accompany me on regular adventures, and then offer equally fancy- and foreign!- snacks while we recuperate in the sunset from the days’ adventure… I have had a long time to think about this, people!
Then, one day I evaluated my life and I realized that I was not happy. Despite the fact that I have been in a committed relationship, with a man I love more than anything in the world, who has given me 5 of the happiest years of my life and a real dump of an apartment- but it was our dump and we loved it! Seriously though, what a mess. Looking back, I attribute my unhappiness to the “double edged sword” of a quality I possess: restlessness. I have this refreshing and sometimes annoying habit of needing a change that I can physically see or measure. Whether that be moving, coloring my hair, or tanning every day for a year straight… If you only knew me when I could have passed for a different race- that rubbery looking skin was a really cute look. Let me just tell you something, I have put my scalp through a number of chemical treatments to get “the perfect shade of red”- which doesn’t exist FYI!- because I am constantly restless. Then I discovered the Ombre’ trend: where you pay the hairdresser a whole bunch of money to chemically fry the $h!t out of the ends of your hair while completely ignore your scalpel area. Essentially, you end up looking like you’re poor- which you are now, after getting it done- because you can’t afford to dye your whole head. Or you just said “F- it, let’s just stop halfway through!” I’ll admit it- I wanted my hair to look like a raccoon…on purpose. (If you aren’t up to date with women’s hair trends, see below for reference). I had also been working as a server for the past year, at a restaurant which I detested with every cell in my body. I can hear the “tell us how you really feel, Molly” choir now. These facts made the decision to pack up, and never spend another second in that cesspool pretty darn difficult…not! When I told my boyfriend about my decision it really didn’t go over that well. Shocking, I know!! He was hurt and angry…and rightfully so.
I got defensive because he wasn’t supportive and we both said things we didn’t mean. We ended up moving out of our home and back in with our parents so we didn’t have to sign another year lease. This really broke my heart, and I know it really broke his, too. He has been my rock for the entire 5 years I’ve known him. His family even took me in with welcoming arms! I know that I can never repay them, or put into words how much that still means to me. When I asked him to move in with me, he supported me and we built a home together. I’ve always thought of him as my safe harbor. I met him during a difficult time in my life, and I honestly don’t know where I would be today if I hadn’t met him. He found me trying to keep my head above water, and pulled me out of the rough tide by bringing me safely to shore. Among other things, he showed me that despite what I was going through, I could indeed be happy. He showed me what unconditional love meant, and taught me how to trust people enough to let them into my life. I know it’s corny but I guess I’m a big sap deep, deep, DEEP down. It hurt me that I had hurt the only person who actually saw me for who I was; and in spite of all my faults, he loved me anyway. We decided that breaking up was the best thing to do, and I was a hot mess for a good month or two. I went to work and then cried myself to sleep every night. This killed me even more- I am a feminist warrior! Like Xena, but wearing a sensible outfit during all the fight scenes. I mean, come on that leather-leotard-with-a-cape thing can’t be comfortable. The material definitely doesn’t look breathable, nor does it seem to provide *ahem* support for the lady area- those things would realistically pop out the minute she raises her sword for the beheading. I digress.
For much of my adult life I had identified as a feminist woman. Always thinking that if faced between the choice of a man or a career, I would always choose a career. Yet, this wasn’t any man, this was MY man and I didn’t want to lose him. “That son of a beach!” Eventually, we realized the time we had left in relative physical proximity was passing us by. We love each other, and there’s no telling the future, but we had already made it this far- so we got back together and are currently “giving it the old college try.” I hate that saying. Most people dream and then carry out their mundane day-to-day lives like the back of a shampoo bottle- lather, rinse, repeat. But I’m challenging that notion and playing by my own rules. I lather, leave it in for 7 minutes, rinse and DON’T repeat. “Don’t you tell me how to live my life, shampoo bottle!” I am living my life by my own terms, throwing the rule book and that pesky bottle right out the window. Maybe things will work out between us, and after the year is through I will come home and our lives together will start. I love this thought and hold it very close to me. Then again, maybe I will realize that my soul needs more time in Seoul (see what I did there?) and we will have embarked on separate paths. All I know for certain, is that for the first time in my life, I am doing something that is completely mine. I made this decision on my own, for me and myself and I. I know deep down that this is the right decision, even though leaving him behind is the hardest thing I have ever had to do. A wise, quirky, and infuriatingly vague old man once said “We must all face the choice between what is right, and what is easy, Harry.” Dumbledore has set forth this elaborate and often frustrating quest before me, but I know that I must find the horcruxes and defeat Voldemort once and for all!!!!! Just kidding guys, I know Dumbledore is dead and is therefore out of quests to assign. For now, I am going to continue lying in my bed and allow the reality of my dreams to sink in.
XoXo
The Wayward Waygook 